Turning 30

Well I just wanted to let everyone know that I survived. I turned 30. I know you were all worried- but I made it through. I appreciate all the concerned thoughts and prayers. Just know that I couldn’t have done it without all of your support. I am going to do my best moving forward with this new reality and cope as best I can.

HA- but seriously. As my 30^th has come and gone, I have had a lot of mixed emotions and thoughts. Who wouldn’t? I mean, turning 30 is a BIG DEAL! So they say. It is one of the milestone birthdays. The end of an era. The beginning of REAL adult responsibility because you are no longer in your 20’s (which we all know are characterized by adventure, recklessness, irresponsibility, a sense of invincibility and an overall attitude of “living it up”).

You are supposed to be settling down, making long-term career goals, getting married, having kids, buying houses, having financial security, living the dream etc. by the time you are 30. Your 20’s is a time to experiment, explore, figure out who you are and where you want to go. It’s completely expected, even encouraged, to have major mess-ups in your 20’s as you “figure out life.” I mean, let’s be honest, 30 just sounds old and responsible. 29 at least sounds like you have permission to youthfully rebel, majorly screw up, or at the very least, just wallow in the wilderness of indecision and uncertainty. But by the time you turn 30, you better have it all figured out. Well…geez. That’s a lot of pressure. I certainly haven’t arrived at that point.

Now, I won’t lie. About 6 months ago, I was having a bit of a personal crisis with my 30^th approaching. I didn’t feel like I was “old enough.” I also didn’t feel like I had accomplished enough in my life to justify turning 30. I mean…Michael Phelps had 28 Olympic medals by the time he was 31…what have I been doing? I have that list of “grown up” goals that I have pushed off until I was a “real adult.” NEWS FLASH- I am an adult! And so thus began the soul-searching.

There seems to be a pervading fear among people in their 20’s that some unknown plague strikes when you turn 30. Like old age will suddenly rear its ugly head and take you captive. Or on the flip-side: this expectation that when you turn 30, some flash of lightning from Heaven will strike and suddenly infuse you with wisdom and understanding of how to “adult.”  Well, I can tell all the 20 somethings out there that the world does indeed keep turning after your 30^th. Actually, my 30^th was relatively anti-climactic. The sky didn’t fall, and I am relatively the same person I was at 29 years 364 days as I am at 30. I didn’t suddenly sprout gray hairs…but I also wasn’t suddenly gifted with magical powers and divine wisdom either. I guess I have realized that really no one has it all “figured out.” We are all just really good at faking it. And I guess that’s what makes this journey so beautiful- the process of being courageous enough to try and fail and then learning, growing, and becoming because of it.

Ok- lets address the elephant in the room. Yes…I am STILL single. *GASP* “To be 30 and single and a member of the church (a church that heavily emphasizes marriage and family)! How does she survive??” I know many of you might be thinking “Oh that poor girl…” or “Oh, such a pity that she still hasn’t been able to find someone….” “She must be so lonely and sad…” Most people would NEVER say those things to me up front, but I know some people think that in the back of their minds as they outwardly praise me for my independence and ability to live life to the fullest.

In fact, is it bad that I kind of wear it as a badge of honor? I have confided to a few friends that around age 28 when I realized that being 30 and single was a real possibility, there was a little part of me that hoped I would make it to my 30’s single. I feel like when you meet someone else who is single and in their 30’s, there is this unspoken understanding that passes between you two. “Oh yeah...they get it. They understand. They have been in the trenches of dating and relationships.” There is this profound respect that connects us that I feel those 23-year olds just don’t get. Grateful to officially be initiated into the club.  Now don’t get me wrong- I am not anti-marriage and never will be. But I am anti-sit-around-and-mope-until-marriage-happens.

Have I felt loneliness? Yes. Have I felt sad? Yes. But so have all you married people out there. I have also felt joy! And I have also felt connection! And so have you married folk. Your marital status doesn’t determine what scope of emotions one will experience in life…that’s just life! Everyone experiences the ups and downs- even if we all taste slightly different flavors. And that is the beauty of it. As I have reflected on my experiences the last couple of decades- I am grateful for it all. I have decided to embrace turning 30. I mean- what other option do I have? Be sad and beat up about it? No thanks. Be upset that my life at 30 is different than I expected? Nope. Have a pity-party that I don’t have 28 Olympic medals? Maybe. Haha- NO! I can’t compare my life to Michael Phelps or anyone else. My progression is my own and the comparison game will rob me of joy. I choose to focus on the things I HAVE done and more importantly…WHO I have become.

I am completely serious when I say that I feel more in my prime now than I did when I was 20. I am more confident in who I am, care a lot less about what people think of me, have a little more direction, and feel more excited for the future. Tim McGraw says it best: “My next thirty years will be the best years of my life.” And I couldn’t agree more. My first 30 years were pretty amazing, and I am excited to see that topped in the coming decades. Here’s to 30!